Author Archive: princessp4in

Polyamory

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What is Polyamory?
What’s the difference between open relationships and poly?
Is there one right way to do poly?
Don’t you get jealous?

Let’s start with what polyamory means.
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin Amor, “love”) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners involved.

What’s the difference between an open relationship and a poly relationship?
For most people not all, the difference between the two is that an open relationship is more of a sexual openness with other people, not just your partner with everyone consenting and knowing where they stand, whereas with a poly relationship it is more romantic type relationships. But please don’t get me wrong you can have sexual relationships with no romantic relationship being poly as well. Other than romantic relationships I find there is far more open communication, more honesty, more consent.

Is there one right way to do poly?
No there isn’t one correct way to do it except for the way it works for you and your partner/s.
For an example, my husband and I are in a poly marriage the way it works for us is we have certain things we only do with each other, be it sexual or non-sexual they are ours and ours alone. We have boundaries set in place which work for us. My husband and I have the type of relationship where if he or I don’t feel comfortable with the others partner we talk about it and maybe at the end of talking decide it would be better if that partner wasn’t part of our relationships in that way anymore. Many people don’t like that type of relationship structure but it works for us.

Don’t you get jealous
Jealousy is a normal human emotion, it is usually triggered by something small and the best way to find out is by talking with your partner. Once you find out what the cause is work through it together, it may be something as simple as you forgot to kiss me goodbye before you left on your date.
Jealousy is a hard emotion but it is there for a reason you just need to find that reason sometimes not as easy as you would like but trust and communication is the key.
How you deal with your feelings of jealousy is what matters. it is normal to be jealous but don’t let it rule you. Don’t ghost people just because you don’t know how to talk about your jealousy because that only causes a bigger problem with other people getting hurt unintentionally.

Talking about how you feel is one of the best ways of working through issues.

Poly looks like the male partner is living the dream of two girls and him.
For some people yes they are and they are happy like that, for others they aren’t. Its what works for you and your partners don’t worry about a couple of there are doing unless you are directly involved.

New relationship energy.
New relationship energy happens in any kind of relationship/friendship just don’t let it consume you don’t let it take away from other relationships/friendships by not being aware for new relationship energy you will unintentionally cause jealousy.

What kind of poly relationships are there?
Most common one is known as the unicorn where a couple wants a third to share between them.

Open poly is where you are open in looking for new partners.
closed poly you aren’t looking for anyone new.

Poly-mono is when one partner is poly and has relationships with others but the other partner isn’t but is consenting to this type of relationship.

A primary partner is when the main relationship has more say in how things go.

Secondary partner is when the poly partner has a primary already and you join the relationship and you become sort of 2IC. there doesn’t have to be just one secondary in the relationship either.

V relationship is where one person is the main partner and the other two are only in a relationship with the main partner.
Triad all three have a relationship with one another.
Quad where all four people have a relationship with one another.

There are many different configurations its what works for you and your relationships, don’t put yourself into a box or try to force others into a box. well…. unless your into that sort of thing and everyone consents.

Don’t force relationships let things happen naturally, enjoy the time you have enjoy other people. have fun. stay safe.

Whats in your toy bag?

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What should you have in your toy bag to keep you and others safe?

Some good items to have in your toy bag to keep you safe.

  • First aid kit with plenty of gloves and bandages.
  • Rubbish bags for contaminated toys, clothing, other play items.
  • Anti-bacterial/Anti-viral whips for cleaning down toys and equipment.
  • Sharps container for needle play or other small sharp items for disposal after use.
  • Its good to have anti-inflammatory/Painkillers medications on hand for yourself.
  • Have a sealed envelope with your medical information written down inside and have it somewhere that your play partner can grab easily if something during a scene goes wrong and the emergency services can be given if they are called. In the sealed envelope include your Name, Date of birth, Next of kin's contact information, any allergies, and any medications you are on and why.
  • Give your safety call (if you haven't seen the post about safety calls please find it here https://www.kink101.info/2018/03/safety-and-meeting-new-people/ ) a sealed envelope with the same information and where you are who you are with and any contact numbers you have for the play partner you are with.
  • If you are doing bondage of any kind then have at least 2 working pairs of safety/EMT shears.
  • If you are doing fire play of any kind including using candles for wax play drop cloths either disposable or linen. Make sure anything flammable is out of the way that the candles are on a hard surface, have a bowl of water and a cloth nearby in case of fire, fire blankets are great to have as well as a small fire extinguisher.

What are some other items that are handy to have in your bag?

  •  Chewing gum for bad breath.
  • Deodorant for body odour.
  • Torch in case of power outage.
  • Bottle or 2 of water.
  • Snacks to have after playing.

As always have fun, keep learning, stay safe. S.S.C, P.R.I.C.K, R.A.C.K.

Forniphillia / Human furniture

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What is Forniphilia / Human furniture?

Human furniture or Forniphilia is a form of bondage and or sexual objectification in which a persons body is incorporated into items on furniture. Items like trays, foot stools, chairs, tables, lamps or other items of furniture. The term forniphilia was coined by Jeff Gord.

The person used for human furniture may be nude  or semi-nude to add to the erotic and aesthetic appeal. Forniphilia can be an extreme form of bondage, The submissve is usually tightly bound and expected to stay immobile for a prolonged period. Often gags  and sex toys are incorporated. Proper safety measures and checking in with the submissive’s well being is vital, because of the dangers that can arise, forniphilia should only be undertaken by a experienced bondage practitioner.

Fotniphilia doesn’t always mean using bondage. Having your submissive on all fours as a foot stool  or as a seat, standing and holding drinks.

 

As always S.S.C, P.R.I.C.K, R.A.C.K.

Red Flags

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What does red flags mean?

Red flags are warning signs that a potential partner may not be a safe person for you to play with. What is a red flag for one person, may not be a red flag for someone else; to a certain degree what constitutes a red flag can be somewhat personal.

Here is a list of some common red flags.

  1. Demanding straight off that you call him or her by certain titles.
  2. Saying you can’t have a safeword.
  3. Having you stop contact with family and/or friends.
  4. Collaring after a week or less . (This is classed as a velcro collar, A sub wanting a collar more than a bond or a Dom/me wanting to collar someone too quick normally means they are collector).
  5. They don’t care about your mental or emotional wellbeing.
  6. Anyone who says they have no limit or wants someone none.
  7. No aftercare by the dominant after a scene. (This can leave the sub feeling emotional, vulnerable and feel like they have failed).
  8. When a Dom/me says the word NO is not acceptable in any context.
  9. When a sub “tops from the bottom” without discussing it with the Dom/me first.
  10. Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets made if you try contacting them at other times.
  11. Criticises the local BDSM community, refuses to participate especially if they never were part of it.
  12. Consistently breaks promise.
  13. Always finds excuses for not meeting.
  14. Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
  15. Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.
  16. Falls in love you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.
  17. Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
  18. Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough.
  19. Says they are a “true Dom/me, sub” or says that they are a “true Dom/me, sub”.
  20. Loses control of their emotions in arguments and resorts to yelling, name-calling and blaming you.
  21. Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like.
  22. Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
  23. Does not respect your feelings, rights or opinions.
  24. Blames you for your hurt feelings.
  25. Is constantly asking for money from you.
  26. Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm to get you to do what they want.

Trust your instincts, if you feel uncomfortable, pressured, overwhelmed in a negative way or just have a nagging gut feeling that something in not quite right. Then step back, take some times to consider what is causing you to feel this way, consider if this relationship is right for you. (Applies to D-types and s-types).
It’s okay to walk away. Don’t think you have failed or that this is not for you, sometimes things just don’t work out. Sometimes it may take you a little longer to spot a fake. Look after yourself you are important, your thoughts and feelings matter!

 

As always S.S.C, R.A.C.K, P.R.I.C.K.

Safety and meeting new people

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Where is a good place to meet for the first time?

Meeting in public is a good idea for safety.  Most people usually meet  for the first time at a cafe/coffee shop. Other people choose to meet at a Bar.

What is a safety call?

A safety call is when you tell a friend where and when you are meeting someone, what time and when to text/call you to see if you are okay or if you need a reason to leave the meet.
Some people tend to have catch phrases/codes that they use so its not obvious to the person you are meeting that your safety call is giving you a reason to leave.

When should you use a safety call?

Anytime you meet someone new, anytime you play with someone the first few times. Some times  people use safety calls for every “play date” .

What other precautions can you use for safety.

Many people tend to do a bit of research on  their potential play partners by asking other people if they know them, if they have a bad rep or not. once you have met the new person sometimes people ask to talk to previous partners or other current partners.

If able give your safety call any/all details of the person you are meeting.

If you feel pressured into going home with them thats a good time to check in with your safety call.

You always have the right to walk away when you want to with out having to give a reason.

As always S.S.C, R.A.C.K, P.R.I.C.K.