Polyamory

What is Polyamory?
What’s the difference between open relationships and poly?
Is there one right way to do poly?
Don’t you get jealous?

Let’s start with what polyamory means.
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin Amor, “love”) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners involved.

What’s the difference between an open relationship and a poly relationship?
For most people not all, the difference between the two is that an open relationship is more of a sexual openness with other people, not just your partner with everyone consenting and knowing where they stand, whereas with a poly relationship it is more romantic type relationships. But please don’t get me wrong you can have sexual relationships with no romantic relationship being poly as well. Other than romantic relationships I find there is far more open communication, more honesty, more consent.

Is there one right way to do poly?
No there isn’t one correct way to do it except for the way it works for you and your partner/s.
For an example, my husband and I are in a poly marriage the way it works for us is we have certain things we only do with each other, be it sexual or non-sexual they are ours and ours alone. We have boundaries set in place which work for us. My husband and I have the type of relationship where if he or I don’t feel comfortable with the others partner we talk about it and maybe at the end of talking decide it would be better if that partner wasn’t part of our relationships in that way anymore. Many people don’t like that type of relationship structure but it works for us.

Don’t you get jealous
Jealousy is a normal human emotion, it is usually triggered by something small and the best way to find out is by talking with your partner. Once you find out what the cause is work through it together, it may be something as simple as you forgot to kiss me goodbye before you left on your date.
Jealousy is a hard emotion but it is there for a reason you just need to find that reason sometimes not as easy as you would like but trust and communication is the key.
How you deal with your feelings of jealousy is what matters. it is normal to be jealous but don’t let it rule you. Don’t ghost people just because you don’t know how to talk about your jealousy because that only causes a bigger problem with other people getting hurt unintentionally.

Talking about how you feel is one of the best ways of working through issues.

Poly looks like the male partner is living the dream of two girls and him.
For some people yes they are and they are happy like that, for others they aren’t. Its what works for you and your partners don’t worry about a couple of there are doing unless you are directly involved.

New relationship energy.
New relationship energy happens in any kind of relationship/friendship just don’t let it consume you don’t let it take away from other relationships/friendships by not being aware for new relationship energy you will unintentionally cause jealousy.

What kind of poly relationships are there?
Most common one is known as the unicorn where a couple wants a third to share between them.

Open poly is where you are open in looking for new partners.
closed poly you aren’t looking for anyone new.

Poly-mono is when one partner is poly and has relationships with others but the other partner isn’t but is consenting to this type of relationship.

A primary partner is when the main relationship has more say in how things go.

Secondary partner is when the poly partner has a primary already and you join the relationship and you become sort of 2IC. there doesn’t have to be just one secondary in the relationship either.

V relationship is where one person is the main partner and the other two are only in a relationship with the main partner.
Triad all three have a relationship with one another.
Quad where all four people have a relationship with one another.

There are many different configurations its what works for you and your relationships, don’t put yourself into a box or try to force others into a box. well…. unless your into that sort of thing and everyone consents.

Don’t force relationships let things happen naturally, enjoy the time you have enjoy other people. have fun. stay safe.

High Protocol Chat Rules

These rules are a guideline for our High Protocol chatroom which will be set up as a learning experiance on how to do High Protocol in chat group rather than in person. These rules are guidelines and we will be running through some scenarios and stopping to discuss as we go through the evening. However, these are the basic rules of this High Protocol chat room. Any Dominant/Top’s rules shall be in addition to these rules.

As people are not physically present respect for roles shall be in the form of punctuation and titles.

  1. All D types shall be addressed by their formal title normally prefixed with Sir/Lady. So my title in this chat would be “Sir MoC”.
  2. All s types shall be addressed by there formal title in lower case. So in the case of cheeky she shall be addressed as cheeky
  3. All s types under a D type shall refer to their D type with the title that the D type wants them to refer to them by. So cheeky would address me as “Master” while all others would address me as Sir MoC.
  4. Uppercase and lower case is important. Anything refering to a D type is punctuated with an uppercase. Anything refering to an s type is always in lower case. So for example if I am talking about cheeky I would say. “cheeky is a good slave” However if I was talking about another D type it would be, “Lady Pain has a wonderful collection of whips which She uses wonderfully on Her submissives”
  5. Upon entering the D type will invite Their s type into the room and formally introduce Thier s type.
  6. D types can address each other directly
  7. s types can address each other directly unless their D type has instructed them otherwise.
  8. D types can address an unowned s type directly with respect. s types shall answer with respect and only to the question that was asked and no more.
  9. D types may address an s type which is owned or under the protection of another D type with the permission of the other D type or through the D type.
  10. No txt speak or slang. Full and proper English sentances are to be used. Spelling and grammar mistakes will be highlighted and the s types will be corrected for these infractions.
  11. Switches are a unique situation in this, we will explain how this may work in a real life situation however for the purposes of this chat they must decide their role for the evening.

These are the basic rules of the room. unowned s types that want to take part may contact me and either come under the protection of a friendly D type or as an unowned s type.

 

High protocol— Beginners edition

High protocol.

What is it? Why do we do it? And how does it exactly work?

I’m going to write about personal experiences here. Before we get in on what High protocol is exactly let me give you a bit of a rundown on how the different protocol settings MIGHT look like in our own D/s relationship.

So to use an example that everyone might be familiar with. We are a family with two kids. Running a household and Moc working and a busy life with two kids involved in all sorts. So by the end of the day, we are both tired. Kids go to bed so this is all happening after bedtime and kids getting into a deep sleep.

Low setting: (we don't have “no protocols” settings as D/s for us is 24/7 but some might have a complete no protocol setting for when family are around.)

We cuddle up on the couch and talk about our day. We might watch tv. I might get up and get a book and cuddle up and read. MoC might offer me a cup of coffee or he might ask me to make one. I might respond with Yes Sir but generally, it is just okay. If he states something as more of an order I might get sassy with an answer as I get up and do what was asked.

Later as our set normal bedtime routine, he tells me time to get ready for bed. I take a shower, brush teeth and dry myself and stay naked in the bedroom under covers with the ankle and wrist cuffs out for normal routine of him placing it on me for the night.

Medium setting: We cuddle up on the couch and talk about the day. He might lean over and say: "slave make me a cup of coffee." Using a title of some sort gives me the indication it is an order of more importance so I will reply with Yes Sir. I will get up and make a cup of coffee and present it in a bit more of a nicer way. If we have cookies I might even get those out and my focus goes more on pleasure for him. He will indicate where I sit and if I want to read I will ask if there is anything I can do for him. If the answer is no I will ask if I am allowed to read. He will usually say yes or give me other instructions.

Bedtime routine the same but he might tell me to wait in a certain position in the bedroom while he takes a shower. I generally can’t go on my cell phone unless I have asked permission.

High protocol: He will tell me that it IS High protocol. In the high protocol, I generally won’t make eye contact, unless He instructs me to look into His eyes when answering a question. I won’t use any of the furniture. I will stay close to Him. Forget the book, the tv and everything. He generally will put a cushion down on the wooden floors and I will kneel or sit there. I won't speak unless spoken to. He might get up and make a coffee and tell me to be in a position that he can view me or He will instruct me on making it. I will answer as Yes Master. Manners are extremely important. If say for instance I need to go to the bathroom I will wait and look up and say, Master. When he acknowledges me I ask what I need to and wait. Don't forget to say thank you, Master, in the end, and then quickly go do what I need to do and come back.

Bedtime routine: He will say time for his slave to get ready or he might decide that I need to shower him and dry him off or he might decide I will shower and he will wait for me. It's all up to him. So you need to be able to adapt really quickly. It's not run as a scripted scene so your attention has to be on your Dominant and their needs at all times.

I will definitely be kneeling waiting in the bedroom or in inspection position if my foot is cramping. I won't have to be told. So unless he gives me a position that is the position I will be in.

MoC tends to be extra critical. A position is never ever in perfect place. He will adjust and tell me to try harder. He expects perfection even though we both know it isn't possible. It's not to make me feel bad but to feel that extra sense of striving for the best.

So that is a simple part on how the different protocol settings MIGHT work. Remember everyone is different.

So now after a practical example of each protocol setting lets look at the differences a bit closer.

Low protocol:
Power exchange is still present.
Use of titles not in effect all the time.
Freedom of speech (to a degree)
More casual and a lot more freedom

Medium protocol:
Power exchange will be a bit more visible.
Is or can be a bit more casual but the focus is getting shifted slightly.
Use of titles.
Might be where most couples will be when they do a scene.
The Dominant will indicate the correct way and it is up to the
submissive to pick up and react to it.

High protocol:
Power exchange is more visible.
Speech restrictions
Eye restrictions
Movement restrictions
Use of titles
Generally won't use any furniture.
The focus is completely on the Dominant.
No distractions allowed.
The wants of the submissive are completely pushed aside.
You live and breath to serve the Dominants needs and wants as perfectly as you can.

After reading this I think you can get a clearer picture of why I feel it is extremely hard if not close to impossible to live in High protocol all the time. But to incorporate it into your own dynamic can be an easy thing to do.

It might be that you do it for a set time period quite regular to get in the mindset. Say one weekend a month or a Friday every week. Some do it for specific rituals like for when punishment needs to be doled out.

It might be for everyday things like making tea at the end of the day and getting the bed ready for a Dominant and kneeling and waiting for them and see what further instructions there are. Or it might be like the above scenario where at any time High protocol gets demanded and as a submissive, you have to quickly shift mindsets and remember a few rules on how to behave, act and serve your Dominant.

It can be quite satisfying letting go of everyday stuff and getting a few moments, minutes or hours to shift to a place where the only thing that matters is obeying and following orders from your Dominant.

I know for me personally being placed in the high protocol the simplest act of service like greeting my Dominant, to making a cup of coffee or presenting myself takes a whole different meaning and I reach a safe calming space. Similar to when you meditate to center yourself.

So if you are interested, why not start small and incorporate a little bit of it into your dynamic.

Whats in your toy bag?

What should you have in your toy bag to keep you and others safe?

Some good items to have in your toy bag to keep you safe.

  • First aid kit with plenty of gloves and bandages.
  • Rubbish bags for contaminated toys, clothing, other play items.
  • Anti-bacterial/Anti-viral whips for cleaning down toys and equipment.
  • Sharps container for needle play or other small sharp items for disposal after use.
  • Its good to have anti-inflammatory/Painkillers medications on hand for yourself.
  • Have a sealed envelope with your medical information written down inside and have it somewhere that your play partner can grab easily if something during a scene goes wrong and the emergency services can be given if they are called. In the sealed envelope include your Name, Date of birth, Next of kin's contact information, any allergies, and any medications you are on and why.
  • Give your safety call (if you haven't seen the post about safety calls please find it here https://www.kink101.info/2018/03/safety-and-meeting-new-people/ ) a sealed envelope with the same information and where you are who you are with and any contact numbers you have for the play partner you are with.
  • If you are doing bondage of any kind then have at least 2 working pairs of safety/EMT shears.
  • If you are doing fire play of any kind including using candles for wax play drop cloths either disposable or linen. Make sure anything flammable is out of the way that the candles are on a hard surface, have a bowl of water and a cloth nearby in case of fire, fire blankets are great to have as well as a small fire extinguisher.

What are some other items that are handy to have in your bag?

  •  Chewing gum for bad breath.
  • Deodorant for body odour.
  • Torch in case of power outage.
  • Bottle or 2 of water.
  • Snacks to have after playing.

As always have fun, keep learning, stay safe. S.S.C, P.R.I.C.K, R.A.C.K.

Tonight’s livecast topic is pushing limits ethically

Livecast done and dusted for this month. Podcast will be uploaded once I have finished the editing.

The livecast will start at about 10pm tonight however feel free to log into the livechat room to be ready for the show to start. We will post the streaming URL in this chat when the stream starts. https://chat.kink101.info/channel/episode-4-livecast

Just a small quick reminder that tonights podcast is on the topic of how to ethically push limits.  If you have any questions etc and can’t make the live stream tonight please feel free to ask them on the forum https://www.kink101.info/forums/topic/livecast-4th-may-questions-ethically-pushing-limits/

Otherwise you can also use our anonymous Q&A page to submit them. https://www.kink101.info/qa