High Protocol Chat Rules

These rules are a guideline for our High Protocol chatroom which will be set up as a learning experiance on how to do High Protocol in chat group rather than in person. These rules are guidelines and we will be running through some scenarios and stopping to discuss as we go through the evening. However, these are the basic rules of this High Protocol chat room. Any Dominant/Top’s rules shall be in addition to these rules.

As people are not physically present respect for roles shall be in the form of punctuation and titles.

  1. All D types shall be addressed by their formal title normally prefixed with Sir/Lady. So my title in this chat would be “Sir MoC”.
  2. All s types shall be addressed by there formal title in lower case. So in the case of cheeky she shall be addressed as cheeky
  3. All s types under a D type shall refer to their D type with the title that the D type wants them to refer to them by. So cheeky would address me as “Master” while all others would address me as Sir MoC.
  4. Uppercase and lower case is important. Anything refering to a D type is punctuated with an uppercase. Anything refering to an s type is always in lower case. So for example if I am talking about cheeky I would say. “cheeky is a good slave” However if I was talking about another D type it would be, “Lady Pain has a wonderful collection of whips which She uses wonderfully on Her submissives”
  5. Upon entering the D type will invite Their s type into the room and formally introduce Thier s type.
  6. D types can address each other directly
  7. s types can address each other directly unless their D type has instructed them otherwise.
  8. D types can address an unowned s type directly with respect. s types shall answer with respect and only to the question that was asked and no more.
  9. D types may address an s type which is owned or under the protection of another D type with the permission of the other D type or through the D type.
  10. No txt speak or slang. Full and proper English sentances are to be used. Spelling and grammar mistakes will be highlighted and the s types will be corrected for these infractions.
  11. Switches are a unique situation in this, we will explain how this may work in a real life situation however for the purposes of this chat they must decide their role for the evening.

These are the basic rules of the room. unowned s types that want to take part may contact me and either come under the protection of a friendly D type or as an unowned s type.

 

High protocol— Beginners edition

High protocol.

What is it? Why do we do it? And how does it exactly work?

I’m going to write about personal experiences here. Before we get in on what High protocol is exactly let me give you a bit of a rundown on how the different protocol settings MIGHT look like in our own D/s relationship.

So to use an example that everyone might be familiar with. We are a family with two kids. Running a household and Moc working and a busy life with two kids involved in all sorts. So by the end of the day, we are both tired. Kids go to bed so this is all happening after bedtime and kids getting into a deep sleep.

Low setting: (we don't have “no protocols” settings as D/s for us is 24/7 but some might have a complete no protocol setting for when family are around.)

We cuddle up on the couch and talk about our day. We might watch tv. I might get up and get a book and cuddle up and read. MoC might offer me a cup of coffee or he might ask me to make one. I might respond with Yes Sir but generally, it is just okay. If he states something as more of an order I might get sassy with an answer as I get up and do what was asked.

Later as our set normal bedtime routine, he tells me time to get ready for bed. I take a shower, brush teeth and dry myself and stay naked in the bedroom under covers with the ankle and wrist cuffs out for normal routine of him placing it on me for the night.

Medium setting: We cuddle up on the couch and talk about the day. He might lean over and say: "slave make me a cup of coffee." Using a title of some sort gives me the indication it is an order of more importance so I will reply with Yes Sir. I will get up and make a cup of coffee and present it in a bit more of a nicer way. If we have cookies I might even get those out and my focus goes more on pleasure for him. He will indicate where I sit and if I want to read I will ask if there is anything I can do for him. If the answer is no I will ask if I am allowed to read. He will usually say yes or give me other instructions.

Bedtime routine the same but he might tell me to wait in a certain position in the bedroom while he takes a shower. I generally can’t go on my cell phone unless I have asked permission.

High protocol: He will tell me that it IS High protocol. In the high protocol, I generally won’t make eye contact, unless He instructs me to look into His eyes when answering a question. I won’t use any of the furniture. I will stay close to Him. Forget the book, the tv and everything. He generally will put a cushion down on the wooden floors and I will kneel or sit there. I won't speak unless spoken to. He might get up and make a coffee and tell me to be in a position that he can view me or He will instruct me on making it. I will answer as Yes Master. Manners are extremely important. If say for instance I need to go to the bathroom I will wait and look up and say, Master. When he acknowledges me I ask what I need to and wait. Don't forget to say thank you, Master, in the end, and then quickly go do what I need to do and come back.

Bedtime routine: He will say time for his slave to get ready or he might decide that I need to shower him and dry him off or he might decide I will shower and he will wait for me. It's all up to him. So you need to be able to adapt really quickly. It's not run as a scripted scene so your attention has to be on your Dominant and their needs at all times.

I will definitely be kneeling waiting in the bedroom or in inspection position if my foot is cramping. I won't have to be told. So unless he gives me a position that is the position I will be in.

MoC tends to be extra critical. A position is never ever in perfect place. He will adjust and tell me to try harder. He expects perfection even though we both know it isn't possible. It's not to make me feel bad but to feel that extra sense of striving for the best.

So that is a simple part on how the different protocol settings MIGHT work. Remember everyone is different.

So now after a practical example of each protocol setting lets look at the differences a bit closer.

Low protocol:
Power exchange is still present.
Use of titles not in effect all the time.
Freedom of speech (to a degree)
More casual and a lot more freedom

Medium protocol:
Power exchange will be a bit more visible.
Is or can be a bit more casual but the focus is getting shifted slightly.
Use of titles.
Might be where most couples will be when they do a scene.
The Dominant will indicate the correct way and it is up to the
submissive to pick up and react to it.

High protocol:
Power exchange is more visible.
Speech restrictions
Eye restrictions
Movement restrictions
Use of titles
Generally won't use any furniture.
The focus is completely on the Dominant.
No distractions allowed.
The wants of the submissive are completely pushed aside.
You live and breath to serve the Dominants needs and wants as perfectly as you can.

After reading this I think you can get a clearer picture of why I feel it is extremely hard if not close to impossible to live in High protocol all the time. But to incorporate it into your own dynamic can be an easy thing to do.

It might be that you do it for a set time period quite regular to get in the mindset. Say one weekend a month or a Friday every week. Some do it for specific rituals like for when punishment needs to be doled out.

It might be for everyday things like making tea at the end of the day and getting the bed ready for a Dominant and kneeling and waiting for them and see what further instructions there are. Or it might be like the above scenario where at any time High protocol gets demanded and as a submissive, you have to quickly shift mindsets and remember a few rules on how to behave, act and serve your Dominant.

It can be quite satisfying letting go of everyday stuff and getting a few moments, minutes or hours to shift to a place where the only thing that matters is obeying and following orders from your Dominant.

I know for me personally being placed in the high protocol the simplest act of service like greeting my Dominant, to making a cup of coffee or presenting myself takes a whole different meaning and I reach a safe calming space. Similar to when you meditate to center yourself.

So if you are interested, why not start small and incorporate a little bit of it into your dynamic.

Whats in your toy bag?

What should you have in your toy bag to keep you and others safe?

Some good items to have in your toy bag to keep you safe.

  • First aid kit with plenty of gloves and bandages.
  • Rubbish bags for contaminated toys, clothing, other play items.
  • Anti-bacterial/Anti-viral whips for cleaning down toys and equipment.
  • Sharps container for needle play or other small sharp items for disposal after use.
  • Its good to have anti-inflammatory/Painkillers medications on hand for yourself.
  • Have a sealed envelope with your medical information written down inside and have it somewhere that your play partner can grab easily if something during a scene goes wrong and the emergency services can be given if they are called. In the sealed envelope include your Name, Date of birth, Next of kin's contact information, any allergies, and any medications you are on and why.
  • Give your safety call (if you haven't seen the post about safety calls please find it here https://www.kink101.info/2018/03/safety-and-meeting-new-people/ ) a sealed envelope with the same information and where you are who you are with and any contact numbers you have for the play partner you are with.
  • If you are doing bondage of any kind then have at least 2 working pairs of safety/EMT shears.
  • If you are doing fire play of any kind including using candles for wax play drop cloths either disposable or linen. Make sure anything flammable is out of the way that the candles are on a hard surface, have a bowl of water and a cloth nearby in case of fire, fire blankets are great to have as well as a small fire extinguisher.

What are some other items that are handy to have in your bag?

  •  Chewing gum for bad breath.
  • Deodorant for body odour.
  • Torch in case of power outage.
  • Bottle or 2 of water.
  • Snacks to have after playing.

As always have fun, keep learning, stay safe. S.S.C, P.R.I.C.K, R.A.C.K.

Tonight’s livecast topic is pushing limits ethically

Livecast done and dusted for this month. Podcast will be uploaded once I have finished the editing.

The livecast will start at about 10pm tonight however feel free to log into the livechat room to be ready for the show to start. We will post the streaming URL in this chat when the stream starts. https://chat.kink101.info/channel/episode-4-livecast

Just a small quick reminder that tonights podcast is on the topic of how to ethically push limits.  If you have any questions etc and can’t make the live stream tonight please feel free to ask them on the forum https://www.kink101.info/forums/topic/livecast-4th-may-questions-ethically-pushing-limits/

Otherwise you can also use our anonymous Q&A page to submit them. https://www.kink101.info/qa

 

Aftercare

What exactly is aftercare?

In simple terms, it is the time you take after a scene or playtime where both or more parties take the time to recover and take care of each other's physical and emotional needs.

Now if you are just starting out you might wonder, why exactly would you need aftercare? With BDSM or kinky play we at times tend to really get physical but besides the physical aspect, the emotional and mental side is also a big roller coaster.

Aftercare for one person would look completely different to another person’s need for aftercare. And although you might be reading a lot on aftercare in regards to submissives/bottoms, it is also for Dominants/Tops.

So to get to a few examples for you to get an idea on aftercare. Now as I said the individual’s need for aftercare will be as unique as them. So the best way to get an idea is to negotiate this ahead of time if you are playing with someone new or for the first few times. After this, it tends to be part of the continues communication flow between parties.

THERE IS NOT JUST ONE CORRECT WAY OF DOING THIS! So talk and communicate but also be ready to play it by ear afterwards.
Another thing to keep in mind that at different times the same submissive will need aftercare in a different form depending on the need of the submissive or top.

So let's divide it up into two categories to make it easier to understand:

1. Physical Needs:

Rehydrate: Have a bottle or glass of water ready nearby for afterwards. The reason is during play you will sweat and need to replace this. As a submissive might not have the coordination afterwards to drink from a glass or bottle you might want to consider having a straw to drink from.

Blankets at times to keep warm: A few submissives might want to warm embrace to cuddle into but it also has a physical need. Body temperature can drop quite quickly after play.

Something small to eat like a piece of chocolate or a cookie: (make sure on medical conditions that might prevent this). It sometimes helps to increase the blood sugar levels a little bit and also releases oxytocin. The “feel good” drug.

Now if there is any cuts, lacerations, bruises or wounds that need to be taken care off. Have a look, *disinfect and dressing* any wounds. Perhaps using a cream to reduce bruises.

If a submissive is leaving the club/venue or have to *travel* to their place of residence. Make sure they are capable of driving or call a taxi. This can be arranged ahead of time so that a third party is able to take them home. Or to wait until they are in a position to drive themselves.

There are several more examples but you get the basic idea. Physical needs are taken care off. Like helping your submissive get to a bathroom to relieve themselves and helping them to a point where they can stand on their own two feet and able to make decisions again.

2.Emotional Needs:

Lots of cuddles: Try not to leave a submissive alone by themselves as for some abandonment issues can set in. Or a feeling like they were not good enough. At times it is not possible for Tops/Dominants to be the one taking care of aftercare but if you can stay and cuddle or give encouraging words until a third person (negotiated beforehand) can take over and take care of the submissives aftercare.

Positive verbal communication: Lots of praise, gentle talking and encouragement so it is not such a big shock from going from a place of serene peace at times to a harsh wake up back in reality. Perhaps the play was a lot more degrading and humiliation and a submissive (as well as Dominants) need the time to transition back to a place of reality.

Skin to skin. For some submissives and Dominants, they need that reassurance that everything is okay and still good and they need no barriers between them.

Shower: Taking a shower or bath can be relaxing for both parties. It takes care of a physical need to getting clean but also emotional need to keep the connection and making sure both of you are okay.
There are a lot more ways some submissives needs can be taken care of emotionally so these are just a few examples to get you going and thinking about it. The needs can differ in regards to the different relationships between parties as well so please talk beforehand about what you might think you will need if you are not completely sure.

Now, most of the above might be seen that it is mostly a Dominant taking care of the submissives need but quite often afterwards a lot of Dominants have an intense need to make sure the submissive and bottom is, in fact, okay and doing good.

Other examples specific to Dominants/Tops:

After taking care of a submissive they need their alone time to be able to process things.

Taking care of equipment and cleaning everything off and packing their toys away is a ritual for some.

Needing to talk it out after their play partners are able to. What was good. What wasn't? How did you find it?

Submissives and bottoms please consider when you are able to... To give thanks the Dominant/Top for their time. You really don't know how much that means to them. You might have given them a gift of submission but they gave you a gift as well.

Dominants don't neglect you're own physical or emotional needs. For a lot of submissives aftercare involving being allowed to take care of their Dominant and that is how they best process a scene or playtime.

Aftercare at times can be used for all parties to return to their “positions” and equilibrium before a scene or play started.

When does aftercare stop or how long should it be?
This is a very difficult question to answer as the answer is as unique as the situation, circumstances and people involved. Talk, talk and more talk.

It is nice to check in now and then with someone you just started playing with. A quick text message or just knowing that you are available to talk. (no matter if you are a sub or a Dom/me)

On the scale of more 24/7, it is just a continues part of the relationship.

Please remember that there is no right or wrong way. Some individuals might not want any of the above and just want to be taken to a safe place and left alone to be able to process and detune.

Remember to stay safe and have some fun.