New Mailing Group

A while also we used to have a mailing list service run by a rather large international company. There used to be many great many mailing lists around various BDSM topics. Unfortunately this company decided to stop the service and all these mailing lists were lost. Unfortunately there has never really been an equivalent service until now. We have setup a mailing list server with a NZBDSM mailing list. Feel free to join by sending an e-mail to reply to the confirmation e-mail. (Check your spam folder for this)

Once you have joined send an e-mail to and introduce yourself to the group. I should mention we have set this list up to hide peoples e-mail addresses i.e. an anonymous list. As such all initial e-mails are moderated to make sure we don’t get idiots spamming the group. So please remember to sign your name or nickname at the end of the e-mail so people know who you are.

We look forward to having some good BDSM related discussions. Likewise if you would like your own mailing list setup by all means let us know and we will happily help you get your own mailing list setup.


1950’s style and BDSM

When people hear 1950’s you get an immediate picture in your head of a husband coming home and the door open to a lovely wife, dressed in a nice floral dress. Hair and makeup perfect with a beer or a whiskey on hand to immediately serve her husband while he sits on the couch reading the newspaper or watching the news or just watching tv.

Kids are very quiet and clean and playing with a few toys in the corner of the lounge or they are playing outside. It's a very calm serene looking scene. Families eat meals together and talking about their day.

So how do you view the 1950’s when you think about it and how do you feel about it. Any part of it that you find interesting? Do you like the look or perhaps more the feel of the 1950’s?

So besides the mental image what else was involved in the 1950’s style?

Yes, the woman was very well dressed in mostly dresses or skirts. Very feminine looking and hair and makeup were done up every day. A woman took great care with their looks. You wouldn’t come home and find your wife in tracksuit pants. (looking down... yip I am wearing some right now.)

Houses were immaculately clean and roles of husbands and wives were a lot more gender-based. Meaning outside work was done by the Husband while the wife took care of the house and the children.

Men tend to take great pride in providing for the needs of their family and after a hard day of work coming back to the lady of the house and being able to rest.

Woman tend to work really hard in the house and if you delve deeper might even be making most of the decisions inside the home. From the decor, what to serve or any of those nitty-gritty things that at that time period seem to not be of interest to the menfolk. (why do I feel like I need to look behind my shoulder for some kind of Feminist to wack me over the head right now... Oooh the interesting world we live in right now but that is a story for another day)

The woman used some of the “free” time to volunteer or to be part of the churches work. So it was not just staying at home and if you can look past the very gender-based roles you can see that both parties are serving each other but in very different ways. A whole community was based on the same sort of agreement of roles of the two parties involved. Everyone sort of knew where they stand and what their particular role and responsibilities were.

Now back to today’s world. I had a really big look at this particular style before but in particular this week for this article and it was very interesting to see how people view this particular time period. Some absolutely love the feminine look of the era and seem to be going back to it or even just making a small few tweaks and punking it up. Some can't stand the gender-based roles and feel conflicting as they love the look of the 1950’s. And then there is some that really enjoy all of it that it can offer. From the cars to the decor, to the very specific responsibilities of either party, taking some time and effort with your looks for your partner. Or in particular with our very heavy electronic busy lives these days... the family connection around a dinner table and being able to put devices aside and really just connect and communicate.

But the alarming thing I also found is, that in the kink world and the very big growing amount of people involving 1950’s in their various dynamics, few people are willing to openly talk about it. As if somehow it makes you a woman hater or taking womenfolk back decades of years. In that way perhaps the same can be said for all the other dynamics where the woman is at the feet of a man.

But us kinky folk know better right? We are meant to be more open-minded. As for me personally. I believe in free choice and taking some responsibility for your own happiness. If parties that are involved are open-minded, educated on the topic and freely make a choice and consenting adults, who are anyone to come and say that it is wrong or somehow you causing the destruction of the woman for the last decades of years.

Now to get to the kinky bits of it. I mean after all we a kink website right?

So as mentioned you have two definite areas of the 1950’s style.

First is the look of the 1950’s

You don’t really need to be involved in any kink to enjoy the looks of the 1950’s. From the style to the dresses. Or even just involving a few aspects in any other BDSM dynamic you have. Taking some time with your appearance for your partner before a scene, on weekends if you both have more time or just in general. Having the experience and feeling of dressing up to please your partner and in return pleasing yourself. Feeling good about yourself and your partner getting the benefit of this.

The second one is the more feel of the 1950’s.

There is this book that was published in that time era called: “the Good housewife”. It is available online if you have a look. It gave the ladies a manual on how to behave and tips and advice. If you read it and just replace with words referring to the woman or lady to sub/slave or bottom you have a set guide for a type of D/s. Yes even for male submissives this will work perfectly.

So even though there was a very definite gender role division of labour there is nothing stopping anyone from using the feel and look of the 1950’s in any dynamic that you have. Yes even if you have a Domme with a male submissive.

As for having the “wife” staying at home looking after the house and preparing your meals and servicing to the needs of the “husband”. In today's society, it's not always possible to have one income families or partnerships. That should however not stop you from engaging in this is this is the way that feels both natural to you both. Just take a bit to think outside of the box.

Maybe if you come home having fifteen minutes to get out of your workwear into your 1950’s style clothing and slipping into these roles.

Might not be possible to cook a homecooked meal but you can still serve whatever meal you have in the style or perhaps have a family breakfast served in a 1950’s style over a weekend.

Or perhaps after the kids are in bed doing a service of bringing a drink to your partner and this involved in you getting pulled over their lap to get a spanking and then asking if you were a good girl/boy that day andjust releasing the stresses of the day.

As always have fun and SSC, RACK or PRICK.


TPE - Dynamic

TPE stands for Total Power Exchange. But what does it exactly mean?

It means exactly that. One person is giving up the power completely to another person. All choices and any decision that needs be made are under the control of the Dominant. (regardless of what the Dominant calls themselves but normally it will be either as Owner/Master or Mistress and the bottom referred to as property or as a slave) But in everything that can be open.

So what exactly does complete power exchange mean? Now the ultimate purist view is as follows:

Ultimate power to the Dominant.
No safewords
No limits
it's 24/7
No contracts
No exit date

Now, let's look at it a bit deeper and afterwards I will give my own personal view on how you can perhaps get close to a TPE dynamic but I don't personally believe that you can achieve the Purist view of TPE.

Ultimate power to the Dominant:

The Dominant has the power to make any and all decisions. From what you wear, what you drink, when or how you sleep. From career choices, too when you see family or friends or perhaps have no contact for ages with someone.

So as can see it can be someone that can micromanage your life completely and only choice for the slave is to either obey immediately or get punished and still have to obey.

* Personally there are a few times that this might not always be a practical choice. What if your Master said not to leave the house at all and it starts burning around you. You will leave the house as your survival instinct hopefully kicks in. So some decision making on your side at certain times will kick in. It is therefore not complete. Even if you look at history when slavery was legal and Slave Masters owned these people as property they did not have full power over your thoughts or even all your actions.

No Safewords:

This means no safewords. Or if say its a new area and your Master gives you a temporary “safeword” they might choose to push past that. Now I know everyone goes CONSENT CONSENT CONSENT and ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE. But you need to look at it this way. You have consensually (and I really really hope with real open eyes and being well informed consented to this before you got into this dynamic)

* Ideally the Master will become your safeword. They normally make a promise as well to look after the well-being and emotional welfare of their property/slave which will mean they won't want to cause harm to the extent where you won't recover. So, in fact, they do become your safeword.

Others tend to give a safeword but if you use it then the dynamic immediately ends and might even signal the end of the relationship in any form.

No Limits:

The normal BDSM activity list you might complete for other dynamics will be null and void in this dynamic. The only limits you have is what your Owner decides that you are allowed to have but can be taken away at any time.

* There is time before coming into a dynamic to really put into a contract the absolute limits that you both agree upon. However, it begs to differ to a lot of Purists if this is in fact then TPE as they only have partial power over you.

It's 24/7.

There is no such thing as having a holiday, or I don’t feel like it right now or the ... I have a headache at the moment. Whenever wherever and order is given you will have to obey it. If that order is that you need to quit your job then it's not a question of having an argument but obeying it.

* People get sick, Family gets sick, Kids get sick. Even the powerful Master/Owner gets sick. What happens when an order is given but you know in your heart as a slave the best is to take care of your Owner and not do all the other tasks that were set even if it means you miss some of them.

Sometimes real life intervenes and you need to give each other a little bit of slack. And as parents you have to put your kid's welfare first, so what happens if an order has to be put above a child's need? So therefore not always possible for 24/7 and immediate obeying of orders.

No contracts:

As it is a Total power Exchange a lot of Purists view a contract null and void unless the very short thing from this date till the Owner releases you, you are their property. They still have the option to sell or give you away to another person and then you will be under their authority.

* Even if you do sign a contract it wont be of any use in the real court of law. People cant be owned by another person as property and it is an illegal act. Which means even if you decide to have a contract or not in any dynamic is not really from a point of law but more to have a clear form of what was negotiated between parties.

No Exit date:

As you are property there is no decision for you to decide this is not for me anymore. But seeing that you are property the Owner has the right to release you. That, as well as death, is your only way out.

* As mentioned it is illegal to own anyone. As a slave, that person might “escape” leave and go to the authorities even and the law will be completely on this person's side. So, in reality, there is an exit date but it will also mean the end of the relationship and dynamic.

So now after a bit more of a realistic look, you might think now why would someone even agree to something like this?

First off I think if you step immediately into a TPE dynamic and especially if this is your first BDSM relationship you entering you might be making a mistake. My opinion is that there is no way that you will have enough information or knowledge to make an informed decision to agree to this sort of dynamic, regardless of which side you are coming from.

I feel like the purist view of TPE is not always possible or perhaps not even healthy but it also depends on the particular people that are involved in it.

Bringing me back to the fact that if you are deciding this is the type of dynamic for you to first work towards it. For everyone to work out how you both think and feel and react to each other. Just as the submissive in this regard are taking a huge step of faith the Dominant in this regard are taking a tremendous amount of responsibility for and if things go wrong will land the Dominant in jail.

Does this mean TPE is not a possibility? No. It definitely is but this doesn’t mean you have to take everything mentioned on a purist level and if you don't check all the boxes it doesn't mean you don't fit under TPE. BDSM is about making it work for those involved. So look at what works for everyone and then work it into the only dynamic that matters... YOUR OWN UNIQUE DYNAMIC, regardless of how you label or explain it to others.

A few changes

Please be patient I am busy with a bit of a site cleanup and re-layout hopefully to make finding things a bit easier. So things might appear jumbled over the next few days.

Livecast Friday night 2nd March 10pm

Hi everyone,

It is that time of month again where we sit in front of a live stream and you can ask us questions. However this time it is a little different. I have a special guest Miss P4in on this time and we are going to be talking about wax play and anything that is associated with wax play.

As per normal you can log into our online chat and ask questions as you are listening to the broadcast. If you can't make the livecast then everything is recorded and you can look at the chat from the night and follow along with the audio recording.

If you want to log into the chatroom now and start asking questions please visit the chat link over here

We will also publish the streaming URL in this chat once it is live and running.

If you can't make it and just have a question you want answered you can also submit these via

We hope to see you all online tomorrow.