New Mailing Group

A while also we used to have a mailing list service run by a rather large international company. There used to be many great many mailing lists around various BDSM topics. Unfortunately this company decided to stop the service and all these mailing lists were lost. Unfortunately there has never really been an equivalent service until now. We have setup a mailing list server with a NZBDSM mailing list. Feel free to join by sending an e-mail to reply to the confirmation e-mail. (Check your spam folder for this)

Once you have joined send an e-mail to and introduce yourself to the group. I should mention we have set this list up to hide peoples e-mail addresses i.e. an anonymous list. As such all initial e-mails are moderated to make sure we don’t get idiots spamming the group. So please remember to sign your name or nickname at the end of the e-mail so people know who you are.

We look forward to having some good BDSM related discussions. Likewise if you would like your own mailing list setup by all means let us know and we will happily help you get your own mailing list setup.

We are back – unplanned downtime

Sorry for the unexpected outage however we had some technical difficulties with our domain name renewal. i.e. we paid but it still got suspended and not with rope sadly. Anyway it seems to have all been fixed now so back to the good stuff.

KC006 High Protocol

[podlove-episode-web-player publisher="967" post_id="967"]

In this episode, we talk about High Protocol and explain what is and how you can introduce it into your dynamic.

The livechat logs which went along with this live cast can be found over here.

if you have a topic or question you would like answered please feel free to ask over here


What is Polyamory?
What’s the difference between open relationships and poly?
Is there one right way to do poly?
Don’t you get jealous?

Let’s start with what polyamory means.
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin Amor, “love”) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners involved.

What’s the difference between an open relationship and a poly relationship?
For most people not all, the difference between the two is that an open relationship is more of a sexual openness with other people, not just your partner with everyone consenting and knowing where they stand, whereas with a poly relationship it is more romantic type relationships. But please don’t get me wrong you can have sexual relationships with no romantic relationship being poly as well. Other than romantic relationships I find there is far more open communication, more honesty, more consent.

Is there one right way to do poly?
No there isn’t one correct way to do it except for the way it works for you and your partner/s.
For an example, my husband and I are in a poly marriage the way it works for us is we have certain things we only do with each other, be it sexual or non-sexual they are ours and ours alone. We have boundaries set in place which work for us. My husband and I have the type of relationship where if he or I don’t feel comfortable with the others partner we talk about it and maybe at the end of talking decide it would be better if that partner wasn’t part of our relationships in that way anymore. Many people don’t like that type of relationship structure but it works for us.

Don’t you get jealous
Jealousy is a normal human emotion, it is usually triggered by something small and the best way to find out is by talking with your partner. Once you find out what the cause is work through it together, it may be something as simple as you forgot to kiss me goodbye before you left on your date.
Jealousy is a hard emotion but it is there for a reason you just need to find that reason sometimes not as easy as you would like but trust and communication is the key.
How you deal with your feelings of jealousy is what matters. it is normal to be jealous but don’t let it rule you. Don’t ghost people just because you don’t know how to talk about your jealousy because that only causes a bigger problem with other people getting hurt unintentionally.

Talking about how you feel is one of the best ways of working through issues.

Poly looks like the male partner is living the dream of two girls and him.
For some people yes they are and they are happy like that, for others they aren’t. Its what works for you and your partners don’t worry about a couple of there are doing unless you are directly involved.

New relationship energy.
New relationship energy happens in any kind of relationship/friendship just don’t let it consume you don’t let it take away from other relationships/friendships by not being aware for new relationship energy you will unintentionally cause jealousy.

What kind of poly relationships are there?
Most common one is known as the unicorn where a couple wants a third to share between them.

Open poly is where you are open in looking for new partners.
closed poly you aren’t looking for anyone new.

Poly-mono is when one partner is poly and has relationships with others but the other partner isn’t but is consenting to this type of relationship.

A primary partner is when the main relationship has more say in how things go.

Secondary partner is when the poly partner has a primary already and you join the relationship and you become sort of 2IC. there doesn’t have to be just one secondary in the relationship either.

V relationship is where one person is the main partner and the other two are only in a relationship with the main partner.
Triad all three have a relationship with one another.
Quad where all four people have a relationship with one another.

There are many different configurations its what works for you and your relationships, don’t put yourself into a box or try to force others into a box. well…. unless your into that sort of thing and everyone consents.

Don’t force relationships let things happen naturally, enjoy the time you have enjoy other people. have fun. stay safe.

KC005 Trying new things

[podlove-episode-web-player publisher="965" post_id="965"]

This week we discuss trying new things, what you need to be aware of and why it is a good thing to try new things.

To follow the live chat that went with the livecast visit

If you have any suggestions or want to ask a question please feel free to do so via