What does red flags mean?

Red flags are warning signs that a potential partner may not be a safe person for you to play with. What is a red flag for one person, may not be a red flag for someone else; to a certain degree what constitutes a red flag can be somewhat personal.

Here is a list of some common red flags.

1. Demanding straight off that you call him or her by certain titles.
2. Saying you can’t have a safeword.
3. Having you stop contact with family and/or friends.
4. Collaring after a week or less . (This is classed as a velcro collar, A sub wanting a collar more than a bond or a Dom/me wanting to collar someone too quick normally means they are collector).
5. They don’t care about your mental or emotional wellbeing.
6. Anyone who says they have no limit or wants someone none.
7. No aftercare by the dominant after a scene. (This can leave the sub feeling emotional, vulnerable and feel like they have failed).
8. When a Dom/me says the word NO is not acceptable in any context.
9. When a sub “tops from the bottom” without discussing it with the Dom/me first.
10. Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets made if you try contacting them at other times.
11. Criticises the local BDSM community, refuses to participate especially if they never were part of it.
12. Consistently breaks promise.
13. Always finds excuses for not meeting.
14. Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
15. Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.
16. Falls in love you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.
17. Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
18. Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough.
19. Says they are a “true Dom/me, sub” or says that they are a “true Dom/me, sub”.
20. Loses control of their emotions in arguments and resorts to yelling, name-calling and blaming you.
21. Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like.
22. Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
23. Does not respect your feelings, rights or opinions.
24. Blames you for your hurt feelings.
25. Is constantly asking for money from you.
26. Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm to get you to do what they want.

Trust your instincts, if you feel uncomfortable, pressured, overwhelmed in a negative way or just have a nagging gut feeling that something in not quite right. Then step back, take some times to consider what is causing you to feel this way, consider if this relationship is right for you. (Applies to D-types and s-types).
It’s okay to walk away. Don’t think you have failed or that this is not for you, sometimes things just don’t work out. Sometimes it may take you a little longer to spot a fake. Look after yourself you are important, your thoughts and feelings matter!

As always S.S.C, R.A.C.K, P.R.I.C.K.

Where is a good place to meet for the first time?

Meeting in public is a good idea for safety.  Most people usually meet  for the first time at a cafe/coffee shop. Other people choose to meet at a Bar.

What is a safety call?

A safety call is when you tell a friend where and when you are meeting someone, what time and when to text/call you to see if you are okay or if you need a reason to leave the meet.
Some people tend to have catch phrases/codes that they use so its not obvious to the person you are meeting that your safety call is giving you a reason to leave.

When should you use a safety call?

Anytime you meet someone new, anytime you play with someone the first few times. Some times  people use safety calls for every “play date” .

What other precautions can you use for safety.

Many people tend to do a bit of research on  their potential play partners by asking other people if they know them, if they have a bad rep or not. once you have met the new person sometimes people ask to talk to previous partners or other current partners.

If able give your safety call any/all details of the person you are meeting.

If you feel pressured into going home with them thats a good time to check in with your safety call.

You always have the right to walk away when you want to with out having to give a reason.

As always S.S.C, R.A.C.K, P.R.I.C.K.

Bondage. is the practice of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation.

Rope, cuffs, bondage tape, self-adhering bandage, or other any  other physical restraints may be used for this purpose.

Bondage itself does not necessarily imply sadomasochism. Bondage may be used as an end into itself, as in the case of rope bondage and breast bondage.

It may also be used as a part of sex or in conjunction with other BDSMactivities. The letter “B” in the acronym “BDSM” comes from the word “bondage”. Sexuality and erotica are an important aspect in bondage, but are often not the end in itself. Aesthetics also plays an important role in bondage.

A common reason for the active partner to tie up their partner is so both may gain pleasure from the restrained partner’s submission, and the feeling of the temporary transfer of control and power.

For sadomasochistic people bondage is often used as a means to an end, where the restrained partner is more accessible to other sadomasochistic behaviour. However, bondage can also be used for its own sake. The restrained partner can derive sensual pleasure from the feeling of helplessness and immobility, and the active partner can derive visual pleasure and satisfaction from seeing their partner tied up.

Another type of bondage is mental bondage. This is where the Dominant instructs the submissive/bottom to be in a certain position and not be allowed to move.

Discipline in BDSM refers to the practice where the dominant sets rules for the submissive that he/she is expected to obey. When rules of expected behaviour are broken, punishment is often used as a means of disciplining.

Dominance and submission (also called D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs, and rituals involving the submission of one person to another in an erotic episode or lifestyle. It is a subset of BDSM.

Physical contact is not necessary, and D/s can be conducted anonymously over the telephone, email, or other messaging systems. In other cases, it can be intensely physical, sometimes crossing into sadomasochism.

In D/s, both parties take pleasure or erotic enjoyment from either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called dominants—Doms (male) or Dommes (female)—while those who take the subordinate position are called submissives—or subs (male or female).

A switch is an individual who plays either role. Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session.

A dominatrix is usually a female sex worker who dominates others for pay.

It is common for writers to capitalise the “D” in Dominant but leave the “s” in lowercase for the submissive. Many extend this to His/Hers, Him/Her, He/She, etc., to make it clear when they are referring to a Dominant.

Sadomasochism is the giving or receiving pleasure from acts involving the receipt or infliction of pain or humiliation.

Practitioners of sadomasochism may seek sexual gratification from their acts.

While the terms sadist and masochist refer respectively to one who enjoys giving or receiving pain. Practitioners of sadomasochism may switch between activity and passivity.

The abbreviation S&M is often used for sadomasochism, although practitioners themselves normally remove the ampersand and use the acronym S-M or SM or S/M when written throughout the literature.

Sadomasochism is not considered a clinical paraphilia unless such practices lead to clinically significant distress or impairment for a diagnosis.

Similarly, sexual sadism within the context of mutual consent, generally known under the heading BDSM, is distinguished from non-consensual acts of sexual violence or aggression